


From behind the Skeletons

by Chiru



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25827322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chiru/pseuds/Chiru
Summary: Sirius feels freer than ever now that he is no longer chained to his family, and he's ready to finally uncover the mystery of their constantly disappearing classmate.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 45
Collections: Wolfstar Hurt Fest





	From behind the Skeletons

* * *

3rd of January, 1976

Sirius tries his best to burn this moment into his memories: floating in the air, cold wind in his hair, the warm glow of sunset on his back. He’s disinherited, freeloading off the Potters for Christmas, and he has piles of homework still due on Monday. The mess spilling from the trunk he can’t be arsed to pack yet are the only worldly possessions he can claim as his own, and he has truthfully never been happier.

Mr and Mrs Potter are nicer to him than his own parents have ever been and James is a better brother than Regulus could ever dream of. The Potter mansion isn’t quite home, but unlike the dark wretched curse that is Grimmauld Place, it feels like it could be.

His feet touch ground softly as he steps off James' old broom, wraps an arm around his best friend and grins like life has always been easy when James pushes him to the ground with a whoop.

Soon Peter is on him too and they all wrestle with no purpose other than calling themselves the winner of the scuffle. Peter has come over to the Potter mansion earlier today, and tomorrow they’ll all pack onto the Hogwarts Express together.

The wrestling is only broken up when Mrs Potter appears in the doorway, a smile of Hufflepuff patience on her lips. That kind smile is unmoved by her warning that if they aren't at the table in five seconds, she's going to tell the house elf to take the night off and they can handle the dishes all by themselves.

It's an empty threat, but they hurry to comply because all of them adore James’ mum, whether they want to acknowledge it or not. She nods in satisfaction when they scurry past, looking appropriately regretful for having ignored her two previous calls.

When she catches Sirius’ gaze, he swears he sees a hint of genuine disappointment in the creases around her eyes. It gives him pause, but before he can make sense of it the smile is back, and her eyes shine with their usual kindheartedness.

Sirius shakes his head. He's imagining things; this is his past haunting him. They told him so many times that he's welcome, wanted here, that he did _good_ in running away. (It does little to mask the years of hearing he wasn’t good enough, a burden, an unwanted disgrace.) He forces the worry away.

James is retelling his magnificent quidditch victory of 5 minutes ago, even though it was just a drill so technically he didn't beat anybody or win anything, and his father smiles indulgently. He looks tired, greyer than he did at the end of summer, but he'll never fail to give his son his unconditional love and any attention he can spare.

James glows, gushing about how his skills are equivalent to four players and really, him, Sirius and Peter form a fully fledged team if one considers things by merit. No other players required, an excellent value for every Galleons spent should the Cannons team ever want to turn around their bad luck, he pronounces proudly. Sirius thinks he sees a glimpse of pity in Mr Potter's cautious smile, like he wants to reach out to his son. Like he knows some secret the boys don't yet.

Sirius, having no time or patience for this adult stuff during his holidays (or, admittedly, at any other time of the year), actively decides to not think about how common these glances have become. He knows a war is brewing, he knows it won't be long before they will all be forced to choose sides and fight for their beliefs. But it's a New Year; he's sixteen years old and right now the world is at his feet. He feels invincible.

* * *

4th of January, 1976

Going to Hogwarts has always felt like going home to Sirius. Even now that he has a new place to call home, and is no longer chained to a house of misery and pain, he’s still elated to be going back. He’s happy at the Potter Mansion, but that place is new and exciting. Hogwarts, for all its excitement, is familiar.

The Marauders spend the entire Hogwarts Express trip making vague yet grandiose plans for a big prank to celebrate James’ sweet sixteen. James is gesturing wildly as he jumps around on the seats, Sirius is dramatically prophesying the panic of Slytherins and Peter is providing background sparks. Their spirits hold high during the start-of-term feast and keep them up until late into the night, when finally they hide their messy schematics away and sneak as quietly as they can back up to their dormitory.

“Ugh, this would be so much easier if Lupin was in on it.” Sirius hisses as he pushes the door open, eying the bed with the closed curtains.

“He’s a bloody prefect, mate.” James mumbles back, pushing the plans into the bottom of his trunk and throwing some clothes on top of it just to be sure. “We could barely trust him when he was just a classmate. There’s no way he wouldn’t rat us out now.”

“Yeah but if he’s involved he can’t rat on us, since he’d be incriminating himself too!” Sirius retaliates, a little too loudly for the time of night.

“Ahum,” Peter pipes up, and both friends turn to him ready to acknowledge their lack of quiet, but instead he blasts over them with: “I’d like to formally motion to remove the verb ‘To Rat’ from the Marauders vocabulary as it is most offensive to a very intelligent and kind species of small mammals!”

James and Sirius gape at straight-standing Peter, looking as official as he can in his too-short pyjamas covered in tiny flying dragons, and manage to hold their laughter for a grand total of three seconds.

“Motion approved,” James chokes out with tears of joy streaming down his cheeks, “just for the impressive figure you’re striking right now, Wormtail.” He then breaks back into guffaws at Peter's blush.

They only manage to stop when Lupin hisses from behind his closed curtain for them all to shut up and go to sleep, and they all trade quick eye-rolls before curling up in their beds.

* * *

15th of January, 1976

They’ve gleefully taken over the whole dormitory for their nefarious planning when Lupin comes stumbling in looking like death warmed over.

“Oh,” Lupin says as he almost trips over a stray broom that represented the Slytherin table in the great hall, apparently too tired to make a fuss. “Get your shit off my bed, would you?” He sighs, and Peter hurries to obey, careful to hide the most damning of their research first.

“Sorry, we didn’t expect you back from the library for another couple hours at least!” The short boy explains, even going as far as pulling back the blanket for their roommate.

Lupin shakes his head, changes into his pyjamas and casts a muffling charm on his bed before closing the curtains without another word to his roommates.

“I didn't think it possible but Lupin actually seems more antisocial than before the holidays.” James drawls while picking up stray pieces of parchment.

Peter seems strangely reprimanded. “He probably hates sharing with you as much as you hate sharing with him.”

“What's that, Wormy? Did the guy promise to help you with homework or something?”

Peter stutters soundlessly for a moment, and by the time he's ready to blurt his excuses the lot of them are already out of the dorm to do some creative fieldwork.

* * *

17th of January, 1976

It's midnight and Lupin is still not back. Normally Sirius wouldn’t have cared, wouldn’t even have noticed, probably, but something about the full moon high in the sky has him restless and pondering dumb things, like their irritable roommate.

“You think he's sick again?” Sirius asks the wooden ceiling.

“I guess.” James mumbles, appearing distracted by his quidditch magazine. But he is also restless, if the number of times he has swapped the magazine and his transfiguration textbook is any indication.

“I wonder where he goes though...”

“To the hospital wing, where else?”

“Right, of course, dumb question.”

There’s only the rustling of James flipping the pages of the magazine back and forth for a couple of minutes, before Sirius breaks the silence again.

“What's wrong with him though?”

James gives a soundless shrug Sirius only vaguely notices from the corner of his eye, and silence tries to take back control.

“I've heard that it happens sometimes, with half bloods; they get sick easily because their magic is diluted, and they can catch both Muggle and Wizard diseases,” Sirius offers, a challenging note to his tone.

“That's a load of bollocks and you bloody well know it.” James growls, kindly putting in the extra effort to throw Sirius a furtive glare.

“I don't hear you with a better explanation.”

“How about this,” James huffs with a roll of his eyes, “I don't care?”

“Fine!” Sirius pouts, contemplating turning into Padfoot just to annoy Jame (or maybe piss on some of his things, he’s as of yet undecided) when Peter returns from his own restless activity, which took the shape of a trip to the kitchen. He has a bottle of fire whisky in each hand, and wonders aloud if Lupin is sick again, causing the tension to break, and James and Sirius to laugh awkwardly.

“You know, maybe that should be our next project! Figuring out his illness!” Sirius suggests gleefully. The rest assent enthusiastically.

* * *

20th of January, 1976

When Lily approaches them of her own free will in the common room, James is instantly set to combust of happiness. When she starts with a cautious, “Can I ask you an odd question?” James is about to vibrate out of his chair in excitement at the mere thought of his goddess wanting anything with, or from, him.

Naturally, it just ends up in disappointment when what she ends up asking is “Do you know what’s going on with Remus?”

James deflates like a shitty first-year charm, and Peter pats him on the shoulder, a true companion. “I didn’t notice anything odd. You, lads?” Peter asks his friends. James shrugs, the motion seeming to cost him effort, and Sirius fakes a yawn.

Lily perches on the edge of the chair next to James, which peaks him back up instantly. “Really? He has seemed a little off since the break. He was late for prefect duty the other day... I think he might want to quit.” She seems genuinely bothered by this, and this causes James to show a lick of interest in their roommate for the first time in… about forever.

“I can’t say he’s acting any weirder than usual, but if you want me to talk to him--,” he starts, eager to be helpful.

Lily shakes her head, “No thanks, I doubt that’ll be very productive.” She takes a deep breath, stands up and straightens out her robes. “Is he in the dorm?” James nods, sad to see her go but desperate to be of any use whatsoever. She nods backs, gives him the tiniest of smiles that completely melts the boy, and walks off.

Once she’s out of earshot James leans over the table, almost tipping over his inkpot, and hisses, “Alright lads, that’s it, that’s the sign, now we really got to figure out what’s up with him, if even Lily thinks something is up!”

Peter nods enthusiastically, covering his homework, and Sirius gives an agreeing nod. “Sure, let’s do some snooping, maybe follow him next time he’s pulling one of his disappearing acts.”

They all nod in agreement, and bend back over their Transfiguration assignment.

* * *

21st of January, 1976

The Marauders are putting the finishing touches to their big prank when Lupin enters, back from prefect duty. He’s about to climb into his bed without a word, but James intercepts him.

“Oh hey, Evans said you were thinking of resigning as prefect?”

Lupin looks shocked to be spoken to, and needs a moment to recover before finding his words. “Oh. No, it’s fine. Just tired.”

None of them is really sure how that’s an answer to James’ inquiry, but nobody seems to mind it much. The outsider climbs into his bed, thinking the conversation over, but James jumps to his feet to stop him from shutting the curtains.

“You and Lily are pretty close, aren’t you?” James grins, but Lupin doesn’t reply. He frowns, looking faintly distressed at James’ hand holding the curtains to his bed open. “Could you maybe put in a good word for me? I just need one date to show her I’m awesome, if you could just give that little nudge…” He smiles winningly, sparkly bright teeth contrasting his skin, hair a tousled mess like always.

Something softens in Lupin’s eyes, just for a moment, and James thinks this is it, the spring of his life is coming, their roommate will stop being a bookish wanker and the love of his life with finally fall for him-- but then Lupin’s entire posture stiffens, and his face closes off.

“No, Potter. Figure it out yourself” Lupin says as he grabs the curtains and pulls. James holds them open, the fabric pulled taut between their fists, their eyes locked in a battle of wills. Seconds slide by before James lets go, throwing his arms up at the sky as the curtain falls closed.

James returns to his own bed, thunderclouds hanging over him, mumbling something about Traitors, Enemy of Men and Vile Competition. He talks a big game, but it’s clear he had actually hoped for something here, the disappointment dripping off his slumped shoulders. Sirius decides to ask Lupin what that was all about the next morning, and maybe grill the nerd about why he can’t calm his tits and get along with them for once in their miserable school years.

* * *

15th of February, 1976

It isn't until a couple weeks later when Lupin is gone, sick again, that they even realise they had forgotten all about investigating his mysterious disappearances. Homework and preparing for their big final prank while trying to keep their swotty roommate away from their plans had them distracted. But the truth is…

“It’s strange, isn’t it?” James puts into words what they are all thinking. “I mean, how could we all completely forget about it? It’s almost a pattern. It’s like...”

“It’s hard to stay focused on him,” Peter makes his quiet suggestion, and Sirius feels his stomach drop for some reason. Yeah. Yeah, that’s exactly right.

“Repelling charm?” He suggests, brows furrowed in consideration.

“Or a confundus.” James shrugs, “something of the sort. I think maybe our roommate doesn’t want us sniffing in his business.”

Sirius sits up at that. “Well, if there’s something worth sniffing then Padfoot wants in.” He promptly transforms into a big shaggy dog, trots over to Lupin’s bed and starts sniffing all over. He smells good, familiar, but that only makes sense after living together for more than five years. Padfoot rubs himself onto the missing boys linen, shamelessly, and his friends laugh. Nothing smells suspicious though.

“He’s going to find dog hair in his bed and have no idea how it got there,” James laughs, already on his knees next to the prefect’s worn trunk.

Peter joins them and together, they upturn everything in the missing boy’s possession, but find nothing more exciting than what they assume is a limited edition Zonko’s item, a parchment going by the name of Moony, that insults all of them. They consider lifting it from him, but decide against it only because the boy would notice, and they don’t want to be caught just yet.

“This is going nowhere,” James puts aside the pair of socks he’d turned inside out, and Peter puts aside Lupin’s Herbology homework that he was definitely checking for foul play and not cheating off. Padfoot turns back into Sirius, still sprawled comfortably on Lupin’s bed.

“Maybe he carries something on him though? Something to keep us from paying him any attention.” Sirius nods up at the other boy’s bed top, reaching for the scratches in the wood. “We should check again when he’s actually here.”

* * *

20th of February, 1976

It’s almost a week later, Lupin out studying late, when they remember again.

“This is never going to work,” Peter groans, as realisation overcomes him. “How can we search Lupin when he’s here, if we can’t focus on him being a suspicious shit when he’s here?”

They’re all silently contemplative for a while, before a candle lights in Sirius’ mind. He pops up, a grin slowly spreading over his face. “Repelling charms only work on humans, right?”

Peter’s eyes light up, just as James shakes his head, “No, they can also be cast for animals. It’s what’s used to keep birds from approaching quidditch matche--”

“Yeah, but it’s a different spell, right?! If we turn into animals before he comes back, it probably won't affect us when he’s here and we can finally stay on task!”

James begrudgingly agrees, and then Sirius begrudgingly concedes that Wormtail would be the least conspicuous investigator, and strangely enough Peter doesn’t seem to mind his role in the vanguard for once. The chubby boy closes the curtains of his bed and squeaks once to let the others know the plan is on.

It’s not long before Lupin returns and climbs into bed without a word to James or Sirius, who quickly forget about their plans and fall asleep.

* * *

21st of February, 1976

Sirius wakes up to the sound of soft but super creative cursing, and blinks open impressed eyes as he bats his curtains aside. Lupin is turning his corner of the round room upside down, looking for something. Sirius realises he’s never seen Lupin in the mornings before: he is almost always off to breakfast and hidden away in the library before the rest of them wake up. The few times he does wake up around the same time as the rest of them, he is quiet and inconspicuous, like he isn’t truly there.

The sound of Sirius rustling about in his bed catches Lupin’s attention, and he looks over with a start. The morning light hits him just so, curls golden and eyes wide, and the breath catches in Sirius’s chest.

“Mo’nin,” Sirius drawls, wrapping his arms around his pillow, and Lupin visibly swallows before turning away, mumbling his own “Morning,” and rushing out of the dorm, no doubt to bring the common room some chaos too.

Sirius throws a quick locking charm at the door and flings himself onto Peter’s bed, where Wormtail squeaks angrily at him before turning back into the blond boy he usually is. “It worked!” Sirius bellows, as he hears a confused “huh what who died?” from James’ bed.

Peter blinks a couple of times, not the biggest of morning people, and then a slow grin spreads over his face. “Oh! Yeah!” and he fishes a medallion from under his pillow. “I think it only works when he wears it though? It didn’t smell like much anymore once I got it over here.”

A messy head joins them between the curtains of Peter’s bed. “That’s brilliant, mate. Time to bust this mystery right open!”

* * *

21st of February, 1976

Lupin is clearly thrown off track the rest of the day. He’s distracted, jumpy, and keeps running off to search places. Best of all? The Marauders all notice. At lunch, they talk quietly about Lupin’s erratic behaviour, half proud of themselves for pulling it off, half confused about why the boy is so desperate to hide.

Naturally they have got to gloat a little.

“Hey, Lupin, nice hair today-- okay, bye.”

“Lupin, buddy, your tie is crooked.”

“Lupin, did you do the Charms essay yet?”

It’s at Peter’s rather innocent question, whereas normally barely anybody speaks to him at all, that Lupin flips. He turns to the three of them with fire in his eyes, and Sirius notices for the first time what gorgeous yellow eyes the other boy has.

“You fuckers took it, didn’t you?!” He hisses, and extends a demanding hand. “Give it back, you bloody tossers!”

Shivers run up and down Peter’s spine, and there’s an apology halfway to his lips when James puts a consoling hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know what you’re on about, Lupin,” he says, a grin spreading onto his lips, “but if you lost something we’d gladly give you our full attention and help you look.”

Lupin growls, and the sound crawls down Sirius’ spine in a very different way than it does to Peter. “You all are just fucking--” Lupin swallows, and for just a glimpse of a moment, they all see it: pain.

“Fucking insufferable!” Lupin turns around and storms away, leaving the Marauders behind in perplexed silence.

“Shit.” James voices for them all.

* * *

22nd of February, 1976

James tries the direct approach.

“Good morning, Lupin.”

“Fuck off, Potter.”

Lupin storms off.

* * *

23rd of February, 1976

Sirius tries the aggressive path.

“Yo, Lupin,” Sirius throws an arm around the prefect’s shoulders, and gets an immediate elbow in the side for his efforts.

He falls a little bit in love.

* * *

24th of February, 1976

Peter tries to be careful.

“Lupin, could you help me with Herbology?”

“I have my own work to do.”

“Oh, sorry. Do you mind if I sit here?”

“Do what you want.”

Five minutes of companionable silence later, Lupin still storms off.

* * *

28th of February, 1976

The Marauders have observed, discussed, and decided. Remus Lupin is lonely, and as their roommates, it befalls them to fix this. It doesn’t matter that their company seems to be that which Lupin is most vehement to avoid, or that even their attempts at basic communication are failing.

This guy went the extra mile to avoid them? They’ll go the extra mile to befriend him.

This determination is what causes the collision.

They are camped on Lupin’s bed, all three of them, waiting for him to return from the library, determined to have a proper conversation for _once_. Peter is fidgeting, James is pretending to be far more relaxed than he actually is by leaning against the headboard, and Sirius is trying very hard to not seem too excited.

Being able to observe Lupin has led him to the conclusion that the boy is fit and witty, and he’s been deprived of some prime eye candy.

The door opens just enough for Lupin to slip in, and he freezes when he sees them.

“What in Salazar’s unholy name are you doing on my bed?”

James straightens like Lily entered the room, and tries a nervous inviting smile. “We just want to have a chat.” As if rehearsed, Sirius pats the spot in between them, inviting Lupin to join them on his own bed.

But Lupin stands, frozen, two steps into the room. He just stands there, and slowly but certainly, inevitably almost, his brows drop into a frown that accentuates a death glare that could easily get him sorted to Slytherin.

Unsurprisingly, it’s Peter that breaks the silence, too frail to handle the building pressure. “It’s not-- we don’t wanna--- it’s not a prank or anything. We just want to get along!”

The building tension isn’t broken. “And I suppose I have no say in the matter, right? The almighty Marauders have decided, and thus I have no choice but to bend to their will.”

Sirius grins, folds his arms behind his head and leans back invitingly. “You make it sound like a bad thing, but really, the sooner you give in the better it’ll be for everybody.”

Lupin stares at them another couple minutes, before he shakes his head. “Not happening. I know it’s a word quite uncommon in your daily lives, but, no. Now get the fuck off my bed.”

Peter is halfway off the mattress when Sirius pulls him back by the collar of his shirt. “Actually, I have heard of that word before, but I don’t want it. You can have it back. No.”

Tension that seemed to have mostly broken rebuilds in the span of a second, and they can see Lupin struggle. The pain and loneliness is carved into his skin, and they see it expand together with his chest as he takes a deep breath.

“Don’t mind Pads, he’s being a dipshit.” James shoves Sirius aside, a palm splayed over his face, and his body language is just glowing with genuine interest. “We just want to be your friends, mate. No mischief, I swear.”

“Well, I don’t want your friendship.” Lupin lies through gritted teeth.

“Well tits, why are you playing hard to get? Fancy yourself the prettiest girl in the tower, is it? Do we have to work harder to gain your affections?” Sirius throws back, acting bored to cover the way his heart is beating fast.

At this Lupin opens his mouth to reply, but ends up shaking his head. “Good night.” He says, confusingly, and then spins on his heels and walks right back out the door.

“Stubborn bugger.”

* * *

If Lupin had been avoiding them before, now he is dodging them like his life depends on it. He didn’t return to the dorm at night, and when they caught him sleeping curled up on a couch in the common room James had to physically restrain Sirius and drag him away to keep him from bothering Lupin. Sirius proclaims loudly that James is being a fucking pushover, while he’d be willing to go the distance. James wins that argument, because it was never their intention to chase the boy from their living quarters and even Sirius can’t completely deny that harassing Lupin when he’s already running is unlikely to work in their favour. So reason prevails. More or less.

* * *

3rd of March, 1976

McGonagall has just assigned them their homework and the small chaos of packing up parchment and books and quills has barely started when she interrupts. “Mr Lupin, Black, Potter and Pettigrew, please stay a moment.”

James and Sirius blink at each other, wondering if there was any prank they had forgotten they’d done, and Peter instantly shrinks a couple inches. Lupin looks white, turning a confused almost pleading look at their head of house.

“It has come to my attention that Mr Lupin here has been sleeping in the common room for almost a week now.”

While the Marauders turn towards Lupin in unison, blame in their eyes, it’s actually Lupin that offers a somewhat viable excuse. “It’s just that Potter snores terribly, and I can’t fall asleep--”

“You’ve had no such issues in the last five years of sleeping in a room with Potter, Remus. I don’t know what is going on between you, and I would really rather not have to meddle in childish disputes.”

James, seeing an authority figure that’s probably on their side, decides to take a rare leap into honesty. “We’ve just been trying to be more friendly, professor.” He turns to Lupin. “We meant no ill will.”

Lupin turns away from this, stares angrily at his feet.

The Marauders almost lose their breath when McGonagall actually puts a hand on Lupin’s shoulders and gives it a friendly squeeze. “It’s admirable to try to be close to your roommates.”

She addresses her next words to Lupin, “It’s important to have friends,” and then her gaze is back on the Marauders, and there’s something fiercely defensive and predatory in her eyes, “but it is never okay to push past each other’s comfort zone. If you truly want to make a friend, you must be willing to accept that there’ll be things they don’t want to share, and times when you’ll have to take ‘no’ for an answer.”

Everybody, even Sirius, looks chastised by her tone, and she waves them off with a last stern glance over her glasses.

Once the boys step outside the classroom, there’s an expectant silence.

Then Lupin lets out the Biggest Sigh, and meets their eyes. “Alright. I’m going to the library. Laters.” And he spins around and leaves. Peter mumbles a lame, “bye”, at his back, but they are all still massively confused.

“That was weird, right?” Peter asks, as they make towards the great hall for lunch.

“The weirdest.”

* * *

Lupin returns to their dorm that night, and at James’s behest, they don’t bother him. He actually wishes them a good night.

The night after that, Lupin comes into the dorm and doesn’t instantly close his curtains. He even answers a couple of questions Peter asks him regarding herbology homework.

The day after that is Saturday, and they share polite conversation. On Sunday, Lupin declines to go with them to the kitchens.

He’s polite, distant, but not unpleasant.

Peter is happy with the result, for now; James is willing to let it develop naturally, mostly able to control his impatience; Sirius is foaming at the mouth at how Boring, Swotty and Fake, Lupin is pretending to be. He keeps it under wraps, mostly, and the few times he does bitch at Lupin, the other boy cuts him down quickly, and Sirius loves it enough to be subdued for a short while, before he’s again desperate for the hint of reality behind the soft polite facade.

* * *

10th of March, 1976

It’s Wednesday night, and the Marauders are almost ready to put their big prank into action, discussing some last bits of planning, when Lupin walks in.

The tall boy sighs, almost fondly, and steps over the broom that’s Slytherin table to make it to his bed. He leaves the curtains open, and silence reigns as he grabs a book to leaf through.

A couple silent seconds pass before he looks over the edge of the book. “Don’t stop on my account. I haven’t reported you for any of the other things, why would I stand in the way now.”

Sirius is on his bed in a split second, drawn to any opening like a moth to a flame. “Then help us!”

Lupin mostly just listens to their plans and doesn’t interfere, but he does remind them that Murtlap is a rough equivalent and far cheaper alternative to mandrake mucus, which saves James from having to dish out half his inheritance for a prank (and probably spares him a sermon from his parents about the value of the galleon). It’s mostly a success.

And if Lupin seems especially forgiving and soft around the edges tonight, they are all just happy to smile back at him and take whatever they can.

* * *

14th of March, 1976

They aren’t quite close, but they are getting there. Lupin-- Remus, actually-- is a blast when he wants to, and Sirius especially lives for the moments where Remus lets go and stops holding himself back.

On the downside, these moments always seem followed by pensive, guilty silence. Today, when Remus is staring ahead, unseeing, after sharing a good laugh with them about Regulus’ haircut, Sirius pulls together all his courage, and lays his hand over Remus’. Remus stares at him with his big shiny yellow eyes, and for a moment Sirius thinks, “this is it, I have a chance’, but then Remus excuses himself, and runs off like it’s last year.

* * *

16th of March, 1976

When Remus is gone for the night, and they all feel restless, they waste no time in bending over a parchment all together and doing their best to remember when he was absent before. It takes them a while to find a pattern (deadlines for potion assignments, Hogsmeade weekends, and prefects rounds all didn’t pass the test), but once they see the near monthly rhythm it takes them all but a split second before they look towards the window.

James crawls to his feet, leans into the windowsill, searches the sky for the full moon, and nods back at the rest when he spots it, as expected, looming high over the forbidden forest.

He sits back down and there’s silence as they all do their best to process the revelation.

“At least that explains why he didn’t want anybody paying attention to him,” Peter offers, fiddling with the edge of his pyjamas.

“It does make McGonagall’s strange words a little less nonsense,” James offers.

“Fuck.” Sirius says, and flops back. “I can’t believe we’ve been living with a werewolf for years and didn’t know.”

They fall back into contemplative silence.

“Does this... “ Peter gnaws on his lower lip. “Does it change anything?”

Sirius lifts his head to make eye contact with James. They communicate silently, and as Sirius drops his head back to the wooden floor, James answers. “No. But we should tell him. And do some reading up on werewolves. Shit, so his scars are from his transformations? Must be harsh.”

“Hmm,” Sirius hums. “I once read that a werewolf left alone will attack itself out of boredom and despair.”

“Damn…” Peter bites his nails.

* * *

17th of March, 1976

Remus only returns to classes after lunch, but the Marauders agree to not talk to him until they are safe and alone in their dorm. They now understand that Remus has a secret worth protecting, and they’re not going to be careless with it, when they barely have the boy's trust at all.

They return from dinner together, and when Remus excuses himself back to the dorm early, the rest follows.

Sirius drops himself on the edge of Remus’ bed, a second after the owner dropped face-first on it, and James and Peter sitting down on James’, right next to them. “What?” Remus asks, voice empty of much intonation, his whole body screaming exhaustion.

“We know you’re a werewolf.” Sirius jumps in headfirst, and James sighs. Not according to plan, but very expected.

Strangely, Remus doesn’t seem shocked. “Oh,” he says, turning on his back, and his eyes seem to go vacant. He slowly pushes himself to sit back up, and he looks at them all, their concerned expressions meet his scarily empty eyes.

“We don’t mind,” James is quick to add, “and we get why you’re so secretive about it now. I mean, it’s not a big deal to us, but to other people--”

James stops because Remus is laughing.

“This can’t be happening,” Remus is choking out, laughing, but there’s tears in his eyes and they are streaming down his cheeks and he’s crying, and laughing, and wiping away the tears, sobs interrupting his laughter.

Sirius can’t take it, and he hugs the boy, shushes him as he buries his face in his shoulder. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, we won’t tell anyone.”

Remus snorts loudly and starts coughing. “No, no, of course you won’t,“ and he laughs harder, coughs breaking his voice as he grows more and more hysterical. Sirius pats him on the back a couple times, and then the nervous breakdown is over, as quickly as it started.

They are all concerned, any uncertainty they had washed away by the boy's fear and despair so clear on his face and drenched into his posture.

“Listen, okay. We know your secret, so you should know ours too. We’re animagi, all three of us. We could keep you company during the moon--” James starts, but Remus has a hand in his face, ordering him to stop.

“No, no, don’t even-- can’t you just forget? Just pretend this never happened. We didn’t become friends again, you didn’t figure it out, and just--- just leave me alone, yeah? Can you do that, now that you’ve cracked the mystery?”

“Mate,” Sirius squeezes the hand still on Remus’ shoulder. “No. Of course not. We can help. Let us help, yeah?”

“Fuck,” Remus buries his head in his knees. “How are you guys so bloody brilliant and so fucking dumb at the same time? Just let it go!”

“Listen, I can turn into a dog, okay? And Prongs here is a stag, we can control one wolf--”

“Well, that’s just awfully convenient, isn’t it? That you all just so happen to be animagi? Why did you even decide to acquire that specific skill, do you remember? Or how the hell did we live together for five years without you figuring this out before?!”

“That’s because of your bloody confundus charms--”

“You’re so bloody thick sometimes. Just go back to ignoring me and pretend you don’t know, okay? I’m fucking begging you!”

Silence falls, James’ frown etched deep, Peter confused and scared off, Sirius too afraid to lose this new friend he has come to care for so much, so quickly.

“Sorry, I can’t do that.” The Black boy says. “I can’t just pretend I don’t know how awesome you are, and I won’t let you go back to hurting yourself. We can help, okay? You just have to trust us.”

The words are barely out of his mouth when Lupin’s fist is in his face. Sirius flies off the bed, blood filling his mouth, and blinks in confusion as Lupin storms out of the room.

“What the fuck?”

“I don’t think we have the full picture here, mate.” James says, as he leans down next to Sirius to heal his busted lip.

* * *

They spend the next half an hour in deeper introspective thought than they have probably ever done.

They start to remember some things. Nothing concrete, nothing they can share amongst themselves, just feelings the slither in from the dark trenches of the past.

James remembers fear, guilt, panic, and an unreasonably strong desire to protect.

Peter remembers worry, confusion, and the bitter disappointment of a broken heaven.

Sirius remembers anger and warmth, and the warmth causes guilt, and the anger causes guilt, and the guilt clutches his throat and pulls him deep down into murky waters.

* * *

The door squeaks open sometime later, and they are all elated to see Lupin return, an apology and a demand for explanation already on Sirius’ lips, when he notices that Remus isn’t alone. McGonnagall and Dumbledore file in after the prefect, and the Marauders are instantly on high alert.

“Sir, we didn’t--” James starts, but Dumbledore raises a hand.

“We’re not here to punish you. You have already been punished.” He puts a hand on Remus’ shoulder, and the boy seems deflated, lifeless, empty, hollow. “Nonetheless, I cannot allow this to continue.”

Sirius is suddenly overcome with memories. Snape, the willow, a soft kiss, losing everything and even the possibility of making up for it. “Moony, I’m sorr-”

“ _Obliviate_.”

* * *

2nd of July, 1978

The Hogwarts Express is full of excited faces and voices, eager for the holidays and the infinite potential that summer holds, but the Marauders’ cabin is pure gloom. Nobody has spoken a word since they said their final goodbyes to the castle in the distance, but the silence is strangely synchronized.

When Sirius opens with, “So, Lupin is a werewolf,” nobody seems surprised by the topic.

James nods like he knew all along, and even Peter just pulls his hair back like it’s a confirmation of a thought that’d been bugging him for a while.

None of them are close to Lupin, even though he’s been their roommate for the entire time they are at Hogwarts. All of them know it’s strange, but somehow they all knew to not push it, to not pressure the boy, to keep a polite distance, friendly acquaintances at best.

“Okay,” James pushes himself to his feet, “Let’s find our Head Boy.”

They find him sharing a carriage with Evans, Head Girl and eternal unrequited crush of James’, but she doesn’t mind doing some rounds to give them some privacy.

The three of them file into the carriage and, failing to squeeze themselves on the seat opposite Lupin, Peter sits beside him, keeping his distance. Sirius, across from him, meets his eyes and refuses to look away as he speaks, calm and controlled. “We know you’re a werewolf, and we’d like to be your friends. Maybe put our transformations to good use.”

Lupin sighs, hits his head against the wall behind him, hand reaching for his wand. He lifts it up, only for Sirius to put a gentle hand over his, keeping the wand from pointing at him.

“I don’t remember everything yet, but please. At least let me apologise. There’s no danger anymore, if you never want to see us again then… then you can. We’ve graduated. It’d be easy. But I think. I hope. That maybe you are ready to hear this now?”

Silence.

“Moony. Please. Give us another chance.”

Remus sighs. “I’m tired, Sirius. I am so tired. I’ve lost you too many times”, and it’s clear he’s talking about all of them, “and all I have to look forward to is more of this. Please… I only have one more chance to give you.”

“That is more than I could ask for. Please. Help me fix it. Help me repent.”

“Please,” Peter whispers.

“Let us try again.” James swallows, a tentative grin shivering on his lips. “We’ll do better this time. Promise.”

Sirius still hasn’t stopped looking into Remus’ eyes, and though those gorgeous yellow globes shift around, they never leave him for long.

“Please.” Sirius whispers.

Remus turns his hand, letting go of his wand, and clutches blindly at where Sirius’ hand covers his.

His throat is swollen, he cannot talk, can barely breath. He nods.

One last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Self prompt: After the Prank, the teachers take action to ensure nobody can tell Remus' secret. And the best way to do that, is if nobody remembers.
> 
> Inspired on AU's in which Remus isn't part of the Marauders but they are still animagi.


End file.
